Pretty as a picture,
your body language, words and pleasant laughter,
friends in common, made our meeting such a joy
and promised many more,
a future of companionship and intimacy
growing old disgracefully
together.
Came the parting,
and sweet sorrow as we kissed…
our first…
our last.
In retrospect, the pretty picture-view —
our road ahead —
the windscreen punctured by
a speck of ricocheting grit —
a million shards — the pixels now dispersed
as petals in a gale of doubt.
That vision of your loveliness is lost,
as fear has torn us each from each,
our future now is passed.
The scattered atoms of our possibilities
fall separate.
The fallout flashed from that
brief burst of energy
contaminates the site for many years;
hope lives
upon a moment,
and dissolves.
5 comments:
It's lovely, there are some really good images there. There is just one or two places I would tweak with. 'Dust settles over many lands' might not survive the group crit. But I love the 'brief burst of energy' and then the image of the dissolving hope!
Thank you. No doubt needs some tweaking. Written in 2007 – pre-Crypt. The 'fall separate' was an essential, but did not show the far-reaching and devastating effect that a nuclear explosion with spreading winds and fallout dust does. Maybe a bit over the top, but the feeling was like that if I allowed it to be. The land is still radioactive.
For me, 'settling dust' sounded quite religious (too religious?). Perhaps you could use the radioactivity metaphor - it might speak better.
As in dust to dust? Not thought of that. I had thought 'fallout' covered the nuclear aspect. Picture by way of explanation of title, shows the actual position of Venus in relation to the moon the evening we met. I had high hopes! Also, she had a screen name involving the colour blue.
Blue was also the mood of the aftermath.
I have altered it. How's that?
I like that! Yes.
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